Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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