guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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