Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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