Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
