a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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