Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
