I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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