I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
