why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
