remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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