My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
