If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
