It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
