i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
