Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
