I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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