explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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