3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
