You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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