They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
