It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
