I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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