i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
