Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
