she looked like the before picture.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am one with the molecules
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
