Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
