the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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