margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
