I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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