..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
