Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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