shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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