Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
