We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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