The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
