dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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