The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
