In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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