You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
