I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
ok first of all what the fuck
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
