My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
