worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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