My balls are so social today.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
