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we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
