Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
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