i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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