I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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