Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
