I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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