I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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