how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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