Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
