Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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