We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
