I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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